An Intimate Irony
by Z. Alexander
Summary: The story never changes, but details can vary. Getting what you want only makes losing worse, but every story needs an ending. Vague AkuRoku.


So, I was sitting at my desk, cleaning out my drawers, and I had this random idea. I think, when I started, I was imagining a different end, but I'm sure I like this one much better (or I would, if I could remember). As always, the story wrote itself.

Once upon a time, there was a girl named Zheyne. She didn't own Kingdom Hearts. (Duly Disclaimed)

* * *

Axel watches him, and is reminded of a honey bee.

The blond always flits to and fro from person to person, group to group, influencing them all in the most subtle of ways. It's an indirect sort of poison; it tastes sweet, like honey, but he's too full of toxic lies to produce anything _good._

Not that _he _knows that.

"_I grew up on that island," _he says, sitting on the edge of the round café table and leaning ever-so-slightly toward Marluxia. _"The sunset's always best when you watch it from the Paopu tree. I kind of miss it there."_ It's amazing because Marluxia buys it, which means Larxene does too, and Naminé smiles in her quiet way. It's perfectly executed and _perfectly unplanned; _Axel knows this because Roxas doesn't realize the scope of his influence.

Of course, they don't realize they're being influenced because they can't 'realize' anything. They exist because some conceited bastard likes to play God.

* * *

He presses his hands down on the table, leaning forward between Sora and Kairi. It's another day, and he doesn't sit; there isn't an extra chair, and he doesn't use chairs anyway. He flits from table to table, story to story, and they'll never connect because the past is made up of unspoken secrets they can't remember anyway.

He flashes Kairi a sly grin and says, _"I spent a few years in Twilight Town. It's the most amazing place…on one side, there's a quiet town with a couple of schools and this tired-looking cinema with the _best _popcorn anywhere. On the other side, there's a beach – almost a tourist beach, with pretzels and watermelon and ice cream vendors all over. I went to the beach all three summers with my friends Hayner, Pence, and Olette. It's amazing; if you're looking for a vacation spot, that's the place to go."_

Riku tenses up when Roxas meets his eyes, and Axel can barely suppress the urge to laugh. Out of anyone, Riku _would _find that ironic; and Riku is part of the reason Roxas is like this. But to correct Roxas' mistake would be to expose himself in front of several people, and Riku is tired of being ashamed in front of others. He'd rather be ashamed inside himself.

But his role is _still _his, so he asks, _"What did you say your name was?"_

"_I didn't," _the blond bee replies, and begins to walk away. Then, he stops, and throws over his shoulder, _"But my name's Sora."_

Riku's eyes are sad, and become considerably sadder when Kairi comments, _"You two have the same name. Isn't that funny?"_

And it's all Axel can do not to break out in hysterics when they put their heads together and discuss a trip to Twilight Town. Riku begins to say something – perhaps to discourage the excitement – but Kairi talks over him. Her words come pouring out in torrents and webs, and it's easy to guess why she and Sora forget that Roxas was only an unwanted listener in their conversation.

When he leaves, Axel hears Kairi say something about 'the other Sora,' and it sobers him up.

This isn't all fun and games, but of course he already knows that.

* * *

"_I don't really remember anything about my childhood," _he confesses, and for a moment Axel thinks he's given up. But then, Roxas continues and dashes all those hopes. _"Well, I mean, we never stayed in one place for very long, since my dad kept getting transferred. But I remember this one place…it was called Hollow Bastion. I'm pretty sure I was born there. I always thought it was pretty...in a cracked, sprawling sort of way."_

This time, he's talking to Zexion and Lexaeus, and it's amusing that Lexaeus smiles warmly, as if Roxas was an old friend. Lexaeus doesn't know that Roxas _is _an old something, but he _isn't _a friend. Axel thinks it's a little sickening, the way his old associates have been twisted to fit the fancies of an old fool's mind, but he has to admit (albeit grudgingly) that this idea is a hell of a lot better than the original.

Roxas is always entertained and there are acquaintances here, warped enough to not remember but friendly enough to not forget. He doesn't long for something he can never have, because he has everything he wants and he's too busy _flitting _to wonder if there isn't more to life.

Riku is stuck here to monitor the goings-on and Axel can see he's upset. Every day he pretends to pal around with his best friends, who are not really his best friends because they're not real at all. Axel realizes Riku wants desperately to see Sora's face – his _real _face, not this cheap façade – and files that away for future use. If nothing else, Axel is resourceful – and he is _so _much more than that.

He thinks that Naminé is more twisted than he'd thought possible; she's chosen to associate with _Marluxia, _of all people. He supposes she may just be a masochist; but he can see that underneath that wilted, shy expression, she is clever and cunning in a way no one expects.

He files _that _away, though he knows he'll probably never use the knowledge, because he knows that her sketchbook holds more than just pictures of _Their _past.

_Pasts, _he reminds himself viciously inside his head. _Pasts, _plural, because Roxas _isn't _Sora…no matter how much anyone might want him to be.

* * *

He's perhaps most honest with Vexen, because the former number IV asks him an honest question.

"_Where did you grow up?"_

"_You know, I remember a lot of darkness, and not much else. It's like there's this block in my mind…but that's stupid. I'm sure I've lived here all my life; I just can't remember it."_

Axel clenches his fist in anger he shouldn't be able to have, and curses the selfish man with a grudge against his former apprentice. When Roxas walks out of the coffee shop, he bumps into something and it takes Axel a moment to realize it's _him._

This shouldn't be possible, but he's going to take advantage of it.

"Do I…_know you," _Roxas asks, squinting and cocking his head to one side as if the gesture will help him remember.

"I dunno," Axel returns, because honestly – he doesn't. Is this Roxas, waking up from his DiZ-induced dream, or is this Sora, Roxas' alternate personality?

That thought alone would make him laugh, if it wasn't so infuriating.

"It's funny…I get this feeling a _lot _when I meet new people. But it's strongest with you."

Before he knows what he's doing, Axel asks dryly, "What _feeling?"_

Roxas stares at him quizzically before his eyes drop and he bites his lip in aggravation. Axel knows that look, and in another situation – another life – it would make him happy to see something familiar after all this unproductive surveillance.

But Roxas shrugs after a moment. "The weird punching sensation in your gut when you know you're forgetting something important but you can't remember what you weren't supposed to forget. You get it when you leave the house before a trip, but this is a hundred times worse."

Axel reaches out to him, tries to pull him in, wants to squeeze Roxas' made-up brain out of his head so he can think freely and remember his true friends. But he fades out completely, and when he next sees Roxas he knows the blond bee can't remember.

* * *

Axel makes it a point to avoid Demyx, because without Roxas they really have nothing in common and he honestly can't stand the man. But Demyx shoves a little disc into his hand during a chance meeting in the halls, and Axel is a little surprised.

His surprise is false, of course, as is his joy when the disc creates some cracks in the code and he's allowed into Roxas' world.

He decides to forget to thank Demyx, as it would be as hollow as an apology.

* * *

"Twilight Town's train station was my favorite place,"Roxas says, positively glowing in the firelight. His hands shift on the brick beneath him, and for a moment, Axel has a very different idea. He knows that Roxas is partial to fire, and he knows what makes him tick; he could simulate the way it was before, and maybe Roxas would go back to normal.

But Roxas is speaking to Sora and Kairi again, and Riku is sure to be close. When Roxas continues his story, thoughts of seduction are put out of his mind completely.

"There's this big clock tower. It's a huge white thing, and I used to sit on top of it and watch the sunset. I…don't think I was alone, but…I can't really remember who I was with. It was probably Hayner, Pence, and Olette, but…I have a feeling it wasn't. It was someone much closer to me."

Sora opens his mouth. "Someone special?"

"Probably," Roxas replies, shooting a cheery grin at Sora which makes Axel's imaginary blood boil. That is _not _Roxas.

"You should take some more time and try to remember-"

And everything freezes except Axel, but he stands still anyway. Roxas blinks and looks around, before standing and moving. He stops before Axel and stares, before asking, "Do I…_know you?"_

"I dunno," he replies, because this time he knows it's a safe answer. If he says anything out of the ordinary, DiZ will catch him and he needs _more time…_if only to be close to Roxas again.

"I think I do," the blond murmurs, and suddenly they are close and Roxas' arms are circling Axel's waist.

"Of course you do," Axel whispers, leaning forward to rest his forehead on Roxas' hair. "You're Roxas. Number XIII. My…partner."

Roxas' head jerks up and he gasps, "Axel?"

But it's too late and Axel is fading again and Roxas scratches his head, wondering how he'd moved from the hearth to the other end of the room in less than a second.

It would be heartbreaking, in another scenario, but Axel can only grit his teeth and plan his next attempt because he has no heart to break.

* * *

Roxas is searching, even now, even though he doesn't know what he's searching for. He tells different stories to different people because they all seem familiar but none of them seem real. Axel knows that Roxas can only remember what the program allows, and to create an entire history would take too long. DiZ's Sora has amnesia, and likes to believe all his stories are true.

And they are. It would be funny, if it wasn't so pathetic.

* * *

Riku (who looks nothing like himself when he's not caught up in the Lie) finds him and confronts him, and it might be funny if Riku wasn't such a hypocrite.

"You can't do this to Sora," he says firmly, bringing out his dark blade as if he can intimidate Axel.

"You can't do this to Roxas," Axel retorts, mirroring Riku's calm demeanor and summoning his own weapons.

They clash, because Riku isn't a talker like Axel is. In truth, Axel isn't much of a talker either, but everyone thinks he is because he's good at it. In the end, Axel tires of the battle – not because he's tired, but because he's got more important things to do. So he asks, "What's so important about Sora? What makes him more important than Roxas? Why is he 'better' than Roxas? In fact…what if he dies, because his _heart _can't handle the darkness at the inevitable end?"

Riku stops short, wide-eyed, and Axel is _sure _he's never thought about it like that. He takes that moment to slip away, because he hasn't seen Roxas in a few days and he doesn't want DiZ to sink his claws in any farther.

* * *

But it's not enough. In the end, when it comes to Roxas, Axel is _never_ enough. He wasn't enough to jog his memory; he wasn't enough to make him stay; he wasn't enough to return the _favor._

_Because Roxas makes him feel like he has a heart, but he could never do the same._

He wasn't enough to count. Roxas said that no one would be sad if he left for good, and though he had a point – it didn't stop Axel from _being _sad. Perhaps he didn't _feel _sad, but he _was _sad. Just like he is now.

And all he can do is draw Roxas (yes, now it's Roxas, not 'the other Sora,' but it's too late) close and promise to meet again.

It's strange that _Roxas _believes it now, but perhaps it's because he wants what Axel wants but it's a futile hope. He pulls Axel's head down and does what Axel has wanted to do for _so long now, _and it's fiery and intense and Axel's lips bleed black when Roxas' teeth are done with them. And then Roxas flits away for the last time, looking nothing like a honey bee and everything like _Roxas._

In another time, another life, he might be heartbroken; but as it is, he can only laugh at such an intimate irony.


End file.
